ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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