just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
