I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My sheets look like a crime scene.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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