do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
