i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
