toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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