Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
