I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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