member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
40s are totally the cure
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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