She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
