I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My feet surprised me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
