Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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