What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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