just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She bit a glass in half.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
