I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
