She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
