I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
