Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
