Can i not drive my cunt home
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
