We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
