if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
