haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize