she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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