did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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