My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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