btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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