LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
