Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
