This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
