I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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