Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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