i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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