Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
