dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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