he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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