That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
