first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
