I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
