I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
