Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
