also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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