I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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