the day after is always just damage control
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
