come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
