No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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