I want to make a zoo with you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize