I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
