i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
