It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize