id be glad to
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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