wakey wakey hands off snakey
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
