im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
