then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
