What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
