People in love make me want to vomit
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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