Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
