he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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