This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
