i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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