holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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