How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
