I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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