i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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