Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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