How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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