Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
