Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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