Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
