Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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