i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
