o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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