Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
