sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
