I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
