TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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