Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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