I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just cropdusted the office
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
