I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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