Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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