I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
