i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
