I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
