I am in a vortex of obligation.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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