apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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