I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
