P.S. I can't hear my feet
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
