does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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