and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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