Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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