He kissed a someone with a penis
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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