There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
