the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
