my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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