So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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