When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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