It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My friends, they love my intelligence
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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