Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
