walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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