My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
