the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
