On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
