i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
