Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize