God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize