It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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