you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
