Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
